It might seem really cocky to put up a wishlist on my own site, but the drawer full of redundant hand creams and accessories says otherwise. Wouldn’t it be nice to give someone a gift that they really need? And not be constrained by social conventions such as the need to “guess” what the other person would like for Christmas?

So friends, family, acquaintances – to save your wallet, the following is a table of efficient gifts you can get me for special occasions, organized according to budget. For those who derive gift-giving pleasure from “surprising” someone, you’d be delighted to know that the expression on my face would not change whether given a used tea bag or a full-fledged cyberpunk suit with tritium lights.

In my list, I will also talk about what each gift means to me and how often the likelihood is that I will use them.

*** Okay, here goes ***

Shit I Actually Want

 

• Star Wars Plasters – $4.60

This is an item I will always need, because I’m quite clumsy and injure myself often. Did you know that it is very satisfying to have Jedi scum wrapped around your big toe? Unfortunately as a result, I tend to save the Sith ones for more honorable injuries (e.g. the middle finger) which do not happen as often, hence I end up having whole boxes of Sith plasters and not Jedi. I also ended up giving away an entire box to a lady whose knee was bleeding on her bus, and her idiot boyfriend was fussing around it with an ugly ass handkerchief. The Force decided to be with her, so now I’m fresh out of stock and still getting injured from time to time. I can’t attend to them because I only use Star Wars plasters.

This noble gift can be purchased at Guardian, according to their website. If you’re concerned about the low price not being socially appropriate, I would recommend 3 boxes per person, but I don’t really care. I like the box with Darth Vader on it best, but if you feel like “surprising” me you can mix them. Nothing more surprising than wondering is it 2 boxes of stormtrooper and 1 R2D2? Darth and 2 r2d2? Or… omg, is it Stormtrooper and 2 Darth? Shit!!!!

• Oral-B Dental Floss – ~$5

I keep dental floss every few meters in the house so I can floss while reading, while watching Rick and Morty, while using social devices to communicate with my fellow homo sapiens. They always get misplaced, somehow – either that or the Tooth Fairy extended its job scope. So yes. I use dental floss and am proud of my frequent usage and that I am 100% kissable because of dental floss!!!!! BUY ME DENTAL FLOSS!!!11!!!!

Available at your friendly neighborhood convenience store.

 

• Pale Blue Dot: Vision of Human Future in Space by Carl Sagan – $18.17

The entirety of my future career is based on the belief that space is the future of humanity and I need big  space writers like Carl Sagan to validate the journey I have chosen to embark on. Hey,  without validation from Great Minds^TM, I could be crazy, you know??

Carl Sagan is one of the biggest space nerds in the history of time and he died in the year I was born so that is a sign from the universe telling me I need this book written by Carl Sagan so I can help continue Carl Sagan’s legacy.

Space is Awesome. Never Underestimate Space.

This book is available at Book Depository, my go-to store for spacetastic scrolls: https://www.bookdepository.com/Pale-Blue-Dot-Vision-Human-Future-Space-Carl-Sagan/9780345376596

 

• X-23 Volume 1: The Killing Dream – $18.41

Comic book about a government-controlled killing machine!! I first fell in love with X-23 after watching the movie Logan. Since then I’ve wondered about her history and her story after she becomes the new Wolverine. Mini demonic kickass – but with a tragic backstory! She has lived many lives, but have any of them ever felt right???? NO! Buy this for me if you want me to explore the ethics of having bludgeoning superpowers!!!!

Available on Book Depository with free shipping worldwide: https://www.bookdepository.com/X-23-1-Killing-Dream-Marjorie-M-Liu/9780785147978

 

• Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by Neil Degrasse Tyson – $19.85

I know very little about astronomy. I would like to know more because I am a space nerd. THis book is for busy people who would like to know more about astronomy written by big astronomy nerd Neil Degrasse Tyson. Have you connected the dots yet?

This spacetacular book is available on Book Depository where nerds like myself go to purchase books written by other nerds: https://www.bookdepository.com/Astrophysics-for-People-Hurry-Neil-Degrasse-Tyson/9780393609394

Please have some respect for nerds. We are important

 

• Rubies Star Wars Jawa Halloween Child Costume – Small – $23.74

Fulfill my kidnapping fantasies this Halloween.

 

• Skull Splitter Dice- Warlock Tome with Whispers of the Void | Shiny Black Nickel with Purple Numbers – Solid Metal Polyhedral Role Playing Game (RPG) Dice Set (7 Die in Pack) with Box – $32.99

Look at it. It really looks like it could split skulls!! Do you want me to be the baddest most RAHRAH D&D playa in history???? With this dice set, I will not just be the coolest, I will also be able to stand on a high dice pedestal and look down on everyone’s inferior dices!!!!! Me,Cacklefur Level 15 Shfiter Razorclaw Rogue Skull Splitting Motherf–, being amazeballs, hitting Level 2 NOOBS and TRASH wit h shiny black nickel with purple numbers!!! Even the Dungeon Master will bow to my coolness and eat my split furs!!!

This set is available at Amazon, where they have everything from A-z!!: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MR73J27/_encoding=UTF8?coliid=I3MMN0W94TG3QU&colid=E39LY1W3NW5Jv

 

• The Science of The Solar System by Caltech Course – $66

 

You can get a Useful Certificate to put on your LinkedIn profile at the end of the course. Buy this for me so I can hashtag myself #womeninSTEM in every one of my social media posts.

Email me to sponsor my STEM education today. Pls sponsor me I’m a broke Arts student

Here’s a link to help you make a more Informed Decision: https://www.coursera.org/learn/solar-system

 

In My Room Star Theater Pro Home Planetarium Light Projector and Night Light – $91

One of my life’s dreams is to own an office where there is a planetarium for people to work in/rest. Can you imagine a space nerd’s productivity level if tehy were to work amongst stars????? I seek to convert my own habitat into such an environment and this star theatre projector will be serve as motivation to work towards this goal.

Also I’m afraid of the dark and the description did say “night light” light projector. It projects light!!!!

This Spacemazing product can be attained from The Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001UZHASE/_encoding=UTF8?coliid=I26UZR525GSUEK&colid=E39LY1W3NW5J Plz buy it for me and make dreams come true. Help humanity get to Mars!!

 

***

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to hurt any familial feelings, nor does it represent the views of the organizations I work for. Pls do not sue me. I am an arts student. thanks.